How to Move on After a Difficult Divorce


Moving on is a time thing.

It’s going to take some time where you get into a rhythm and you might even get to the point where you enjoy your down time.

It’s okay. It’s normal. It’s natural. There’s just no way around it.

But you need to face the fear and do it anyway, right?

Here’s how you can work through those negative feelings that you may be experiencing after a difficult divorce:

1. Don’t be afraid of those feelings — Feel to heal!

When you’re in that moment and you’re sitting in your home and all of a sudden there is a deafening silence and you are ready to implode, that’s where you get up and grab your journal and you get to write down your feelings and address them.

One of the best things we do with our clients is a “why” exercise. Each time you write out what you feel, dig deeper and ask yourself why. This helps to find the root cause of your feelings — it may not even be due to your divorce, but rather an incident that happened years ago, and this moment is bringing you right back there.

We cannot stress this enough — you must feel to heal.

You have to feel these emotions. If you stuff them away, if you try to just blow it off, your emotions are going to come out at the least opportune time.

Be proactive and make the choice to feel to heal.

2. Go on a vacation.

It could be mini vacations, it can be staycations, it can be whatever you want it to be! But getting away from others and making time for yourself is so important.

When you disconnect from the hustle and bustle of your everyday life, you create room for self-discovery. This is critical at this stage in your life, where you feel lost, confused and maybe even hurt.

3. Date yourself and reconnect.

Dating yourself is the best way to get to know yourself. Ask the question, “Am I somebody that I wouldn’t want to date? Do I present myself in a way that is optimistic, fun, and outgoing?”

Putting your best self out there doesn’t mean that you’re not dealing with a mess of divorce. It just means that you have the tenacity and the character to get over this in a way that will be healthy for you.

4. Create healthy coping mechanisms.

Everybody has coping mechanisms. You just get to decide if you choose healthy coping mechanisms or unhealthy ones.

Choose your coping mechanisms and have a list. When you’re feeling great, make a list of things that you can refer to when you’re feeling upset and overwhelmed by emotion, because when you’re feeling that way you’re not going to remember your list.

Some examples of healthy ones would be eating right or going for a walk, which gives you cross lateral movement, forcing your brain to utilize both sides of your brain to process your emotions. So that’s an excellent way to deal with those emotions, feel them to heal.

Take a book if you want to and shift your mindset. Listen to a podcast, color, get dressed up and take yourself out for dinner, take yourself out for a movie, whatever feels good to you!

5. Have two to three close friends that you can have on call.

Ideally, these should be people in your community who are going through the exact same thing that you are going through. Because people who haven’t experienced divorce have no idea what a divorce is like they just simply don’t get it.

When you go through divorce in your life, every area is affected. So, when you know people and you’re engaged with a community that knows what you’re going through, they’re like minded in their growth mindset.

Choose very wisely your top two or three go to people when you’re lonely and get horrible and transparent with them beforehand, say “Listen, this gets really hard. Would you be willing to let me call you or talk to you when I’m in that space?” Get their permission first, and have some canned things that you can go to so that you can dig yourself out of this negative headspace.

If you want to hear more, need additional guidance, or need someone to lean on, go ahead and shoot us an email at hello@modigleadership.com to see how we here at Modig Leadership can help support you!

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